Thoughts #4 — Is it true that "Men are More Selfish than Women"?

Written on March 16th, 2019

I can tell that personally I disagree with this statement. I’ll tell you the reasons later, okay. But first of all, let me explain the definition. According to Longman Dictionary, selfish is a behavior which means caring only about yourself and not about other people. This usually used to show disapproval.

What comes to mind if you hear this word? As humans, I think, we might have this kind of behavior whether we realize it or not. But does it have a correlation with gender? Is there any possibility to know which one is more selfish than another? Well, let’s find out.

As we know, men have always been labeled as selfish human beings, because they are less capable of showing their empathy to others than women. They prefer to act more individually and self-centered. No wonder, in many relationships, many women keep complaining about their men for being selfish when they both fight or get into trouble.

According to women, men don't think about their feelings, but only think about themselves. But then, men don’t always want to let themselves be labeled as selfish human beings, because they feel like they have tried hard to understand women with all their complexities and their unstable feelings.

But surveys and researches about who’s more selfish between men and women have been done by some institutions. Researchers from the University of Zurich conducted two experiments in which carefully matched male and female participants to choose either keeping amount of money only for themselves, or sharing it to another person.

One experiment used the brain-imaging technology, while the other one used the transmission of dopamine. Dopamine is one of the hormones in our body, and also a neurotransmitter which plays an important role in our brain's reward system. This dopamine is released from our brain during the moments of pleasure (so when we feel happy or we feel satisfied, this dopamine will be released).

And back to the study. The study shows that, in women, part of the brain showed a greater response of dopamine when women shared the money to another person. While in men, part of the brain showed more activity of dopamine when they kept the money only for themselves.

You know what, in this study, the researchers concluded that women are more likely to get a dopamine rush or they will feel happier when they’re doing something for others. In this case, by sharing the money to another person. It means that women are less selfish than men when it comes to showing generosity.

That’s the fact that we can’t deny. Women are naturally more caring and generous to others. While men are more likely to feel happier when they’re acting in their own self-interest. In this case, by not sharing the money and keeping it only for themselves.

While another survey by Detik.com said that everyone, whether male or female, is basically selfish (this is what I agree). Because all of us, both men and women have something in common, that is an ego. We all have the ego and the average of us would rather to be listened than to listen to others.

All humans are created with the same potential selfishness. It’s just the matter of how each person responding to that ego. So, basically, everyone can be selfish. We are all equally selfish, but different types. In general, men’s selfishness is the rational one. While women’s selfishness is something more emotional.

Maybe we are wondering, if we are both equally selfish, why do always men who get more selfish predicates? Well, in fact, women are more emotional than men. Because most of the time, they would always use their feelings rather than their logical thinking. So that, when a woman is in a relationship, although it’s not a romantic relationship, and when there is a trouble or a misunderstanding with a man, this is where the emotional side of women is taking a part.

Most of the time, when men are trying to be rational about the problem and trying to ignore the unnecessary things like arguing and accusing each other, they would probably leave and take their time alone to think clearly and logically and maybe they would try to find the right solution.

But at this point, when the men leave, women would feel like they are not understood and not appreciated by men, so they would think that men are more selfish. Even though, actually, women are not less selfish than men when facing a problematical situation like this because they usually use their feelings rather than their logical thinking.

I think it is natural that everyone wants to be appreciated, understood, and to be listened by others. All these things are in men and women. So, it can be said that men and women are two selfish human beings.

But the way we put our selfishness and the levels might be different from one to another. Men are more rationally selfish, while women are more emotionally selfish. That’s the fact that there are differences between men and women. So, everyone can be more or less selfish regardless they are male or female.

I think, all of us, both men and women are equally selfish. Because as humans, we all have our ego and the same potential of selfishness. It just depends on the person and how they react to certain circumstances.

We should know that the way we put our selfishness and the levels might be different from one to another. But if you want to get a good relationship either with friends or a partner, I suggest you try to lower your ego and train yourself to be less selfish and show more empathy :)